We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
