oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
