Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize