there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
