So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Did I show you my penis last night?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
