im six kinds of drunk right now
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
