Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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