Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
