your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
