I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
