As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
