Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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