Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
