i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
