$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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