Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
