as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
