Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize