Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
