You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
where are my eyebrows?
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