You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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