Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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