ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
