Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
