Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
