apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
