We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I need to stop coming to work sober
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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