I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
