Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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