dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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