Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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