wakey wakey hands off snakey
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
