Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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