I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
