I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
