The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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