I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Randomize
