my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize