I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
