I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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