bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
