I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
