dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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