anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize