and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
