i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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