That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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