my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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