last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize