Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
