My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
