You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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