I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
