She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize