Pappa wants mamma naked
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
