Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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