When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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