Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
