Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
