You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
