I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
