Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
