if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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