were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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