I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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