I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
