"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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