drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
