I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
