At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
