RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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