I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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