Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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