yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
