Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
