I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
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