Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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