and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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