He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
