Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
