I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
A bitchslap is in order.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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