I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
