under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
