the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
