My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
