She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
