She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
