Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
