She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
