I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Randomize
