They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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