I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
