She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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