I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
