Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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