the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My vagina is officially offended.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
