i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
