I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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