I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We had to coat check the pizza.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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