So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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