I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
