if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
