Im at strip club and am horny
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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