lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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