their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
