We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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