a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
