The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize