I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
