Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
