I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
