still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
