That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
