well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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