Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
