Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
