Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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