Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
