ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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