It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
