hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
